at 5/03/2012

Our Liv Love Story

Jessica Foreman 5/03/2012 8 Comments Edit

This is a testimony to God's faithfulness...

So many of you have walked along side us through our battle with multiple miscarriages and fears of never being able to conceive a child naturally. To be honest... there were even times where we needed to be picked up off the floor and the incredible people in our lives were right there to support and love on us. Countless number of you have bathed us in prayer for the past three years and we are so humbled and grateful for your intercession on our behalf. I am writing this testimony to show the result of those prayers... the Lord blessed us with Liv. It's an incredible story that has strengthened our faith and trust in our amazing God.

In December of 2009 and in October of 2010 we endured the loss of two pregnancies, both in the first trimester. For those two years we experienced every emotion imaginable, even anger towards God (which didn't last long). The Lord has carried us through so much and He has used our story of loss to encourage others in so many ways. In a previous blog post (My Baby Bump Idol) I described how becoming a mom had become a huge idol in my life. It consumed me daily and I was constantly being tormented by the thought of never having children. Having a baby became "ultimate" to my joy and had become more important than my relationship with God. My love for Him became conditional...

"I'll love and worship you IF... you bless me with a child."

I never actually consciously thought that; however, my heart and actions were screaming it! I became envious and resentful of women in my life that were getting pregnant and having children so easily. Bitterness and jealousy ruled my heart.

This idol was constantly being revealed by the Holy Spirit and conviction of how covetous and dark my heart had become quickly grew. However, in June of 2011 that conviction finally turned to complete surrender.

For a period of time I was seeing the number 222 EVERYWHERE and multiple times a day... weird... I know! I began to feel that there was some deeper meaning to this number as time went on... weird again... I know! I thought I was going crazy! But on the morning of June 23, 2011 God made the meaning behind that number completely clear!

In my devotional reading plan for that day, it had me in Genesis 22 and when I got to verse 2 the words JUMPED off the page to me!

A picture of Genesis 22:2 from my journal entry that day.

In this passage of Scripture, God is asking Abraham to sacrifice his one and only beloved son, Isaac, as a test of his faith and devotion to God. Even though Abraham had longed for a child for so long (he was 100 years old when God blessed him with a son) he was willing to put the Lord first and be obedient to this request, and therefore showing how much he truly trusted in God. At the end of the chapter, the Lord provides another sacrifice to replace Isaac after seeing Abraham's obedience and devotion.

This spoke volumes to my soul that morning. In my journal, I recorded how the Lord had spoken to me about my idolatry and I wrote down that if I never became a mom it wouldn't matter because I had everything I needed in Christ. I laid down this desire at His feet and committed to serve Him regardless of my circumstances here on this earth.

Words from that journal entry.

I found so much freedom in releasing this desire and I truly meant it! Becoming a mother was no longer ultimate to my joy. My true joy was found in Christ and Him alone!

God is so faithful! One week later we found out that we were pregnant again. I had no idea on that morning that I was surrendering this desire to the Lord He had already blessed me with it. I was pregnant while I was writing those words in my journal.

Jarryd and I were overwhelmed with joy and fear. For us pregnancy did not mean that we would have a child, it meant great pain and loss. We went to a great fertility specialist and after a lot of testing we found out that I have a blood disorder (Factor V Leiden) that causes my blood to clot and therefore not allowing the baby to grow and eventually resulting in a miscarriage. The test results also showed a couple other issues that interfere with carrying a pregnancy to term. Once finding out these results I was put on blood thinners and a few other prescriptions in order to sustain the pregnancy.

I was really struggling with trusting that this pregnancy was real. Even after we found out what caused the previous miscarriages I could not shake the fear of losing this baby too. It made it hard to bond with the baby at first because I was so afraid to get attached only to have it taken away again. Even well into the second trimester (the longest we had ever made it) I was still having trouble believing it was real.

I began praying for the Lord to give me a peace about whether or not this life inside me would one day experience life outside of me. I was no longer struggling with my identity being in motherhood, I was able to daily surrender my unborn child to the Lord; however, I was so afraid to get hurt again. I was beginning to worry that I would never fully accept the pregnancy as reality.

In our 19th week we found out we were having a girl. Words cannot describe how excited Jarryd and I were... we both cried. But I was immediately stricken with doubt and fear. We still hadn't told many people that I was pregnant and it was getting harder and harder for me to hide it. On the car ride home we began talking about releasing the big news but I was still feeling hesitant out of fear of losing her still. I started praying for the Lord to take away my fear... I was sick of it ruling my life.

I immediately felt this overwhelming peace come over me. At that very moment we turned onto a street close to our home and we saw the most incredible thing. It was a beautiful rainbow... shining down DIRECTLY onto our building. We both were speechless.

I teared up as I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my soul... this was a promise that we would one day get to meet baby girl Foreman. Jarryd and I both looked at each other and we just knew what the other was thinking. When we got home we prayed and praised God in the car for how He had spoken to us.

From that point on I felt secure and confident in the pregnancy. All fear was gone! I actually allowed myself to start planning and dreaming of what she would look like.

And of course the Lord was faithful to His promise...

Liv Monroe Foreman was born on 2/24/12 weighing in at 5.0lbs and measuring 18in long. We named her Liv because it means "Life" and that is exactly what the Lord had blessed us with. Words cannot describe the amount of worship that took place in my heart the moment I laid eyes on her.

We had the nurse put Liv's footprints on Psalm 121.

The first week we brought her home from the hospital my mom was staying with us to help out with everything. One night she brought something incredible to my attention that I had not realized yet.

Mom: "You know... I think Liv has such a special birthday... there are three 2's in the date."

2/24/12

Me: Speechless

My mom had no idea about the 222's that had previously plagued my life and that God had used them to show me my idolatry. I never told her that story.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't pause and give thanks to the Lord for Liv's life. I am so unbelievably in love with her and I can't imagine my life without her in it. I am reminded of the fact that if we hadn't of experienced those two miscarriages we would never have Liv. I am able to see how the Lord allowed us to go through those difficult trials in order to strengthen us and grow our relationship with Him. I know that He carried us through every valley and that He sustained and equipped us to be able to endure it all.

We have truly seen beauty from the ashes.

Our Liv Love Story

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