Nothing could prepare me for the emotional Mommy Meltdown that just took place in the middle of the little girl's section at Target today. I wish you could have been there to see it... or better yet... to give me a hug.
For weeks now I have been eying this mysterious "little girl's section" of the store, a section I never venture into because I'm a mom of two littles who proudly rock the "baby/toddler section" outfits like pros. This section might as well be called the "big girl section" to me because it's a place that I will be years down the road... you know... when Liv becomes a big kid?!
What has caught my eye lately though, is how eerily close in size the outfits seem to be looking to what my Liv would wear.
Then today... I was enlightened
Like a magnet I was drawn to this adorable dress in "that" section. I looked at the size benignly labeled XS but it was what was next to the XS that brought grief to my heart and sent the tears trickling down my face.
XS (4-5 years)
Liv will be 4 in less than two weeks.
Wait a minute... I can buy something from this section that will fit a child of mine?!?
I was NOT prepared for this! I have been pretty open about how I feel that Liv turning 4 sounds so much older than 3... but a clothing section CHANGE in our favorite store only solidifies my suspicions.
My little Liv Monroe is turning into a little girl.
Mortified at my uncontrollable emotion I headed over to my old stomping grounds (the baby/toddler section) seeking some solace from the storm only to find my tears turn into sobs as I looked at all the teeny tiny outfits with affectionate sizing ending in a capital letter T. Sizing that until only moments ago was all I knew.
The embarrassment of my very public displays of emotion was only further validated when a very cautious Target employee graciously (and probably with some trepidation) asked me if I needed help.
Yes I need help!!! I need someone to tell me when this happened?! Where was I when my baby got so big?! Why did no one warn me of this?!
But suspecting that this answer was probably more than he asked for... I politely responded (through tears and snot) with a "No, thank you... I'm just looking."
Just looking for where the last 4 years have gone?! I thought to myself as the worker ran (not walked) off...
I finally pulled myself together by talking to my Heavenly Father.
Silently... I didn't want people to think I was crazy or something.
As I shared my heart with Him in prayer I felt a peace that can only come from my Creator and the thought came to my head...
The best is yet to come....
Jarryd and I have been going through a difficult season with Liv over the last year, dealing with her having some fears, anxieties, and lots of sleepless nights. My exhaustion and frustration from this season has pushed me to my knees begging God for encouragement. For me to not wish this season away but rather to be able to slow down and see it for what it is... a season that is fleeting... here today and gone tomorrow. A season that He can and IS using in my ongoing sanctification.
I know one day I will miss it and I will not remember all the hard. Over the past couple of months God has been reminding me of what immensely invaluable gifts my children are. He has been granting me patience and given me a deeper joy and love for my kids amidst any difficulty the day might bring.
Even though I had been seeing this heart change for a while now I was not prepared for the culmination of His answer to my prayers to be in the middle of Target today... but hey... He knows I'm always there ;)
Mommas of littles... this season is unbelievably demanding but so very short. Take it one day at a time, bathe your family in prayer, and soak up every second that you can.
The days are long but the years are short.
And anything that pushes you to run to God for help is worth it's weight in gold.
Now somebody bring me a cupcake and a hug! ;)